For years we have been watching the ebb and flow of anti-bullying campaigns. Something horrible happens, such as the death of a child that is attributed to bullying, and the media/governments/education system go into full focus mode. Soon, however, it subsides and things plod along until the next incident happens and the whole thing starts again. The problem is, however, that the focus never changes and the real resolutions to the problem are never really found or addressed. Another new program is started to educate kids, another training session is set up for teachers and administrators, but the a significant piece of the puzzle seems to be avoided, all together; parents.
I am going to say something here that will be VERY unpopular. In a large majority of the cases of teens committing suicide as a result of bullying, the people that should take the largest part of the “blame” for it reaching that point is not the school or even the bully. It is the parent. Now, before you go over the deep end an start chasing me with torches and pitchforks, hear me out.
It’s 5 O’clock. Do You Know Where Your Kid is….Online?
I speak about this in my Cyber-Bully presentation. In the case of Amanda Todd, the issue that started it all was a picture she took of herself that she shared with a person she met online. It ballooned from there. So, while the person who exploited her is certainly guilty and, in my opinion, the school was negligent in not seeing the behavior changes in her and following up, I consider the parents to be just as culpable. Why? Who allows an unsupervised, Internet connected, web cam into the room of their teenage daughter? I wholly admit that my son has an Internet connected iPad in his room, but you can be sur that I know EXACTLY what he is looking at, who he is talking to and where he is online…..because I am the parent and I control that connection.
Johnny is an Angel, not a Bully.
Today I am following an incident in my community, where the child of a friend is in the hospital, as a result of the actions of a bully. It was not the first incident between these two elementary children, but the actions and reactions of the school to this point have been weak, at best. So, now we are in a situation where the police are involved and the issue is being escalated to a point where it should never have been allowed to go. Not because the programs to educate the students aren’t in place. Not because the teachers aren’t doing their job (which is, by the way, to educate your child, not raise them). It’s because the parents of the child responsible for the bullying have told her that they don’t think she has done anything wrong.
It is one of the most common things I hear in discussions. Not my kid. My child would never be a bully. Ask that same parent the definition of what bullying is and, more often than not, they could not tell you. At the very least, they would give you a definition that was either outdated or skewed. I spend a lot of time talking to my sons about bullying. They know and understand what it is, what the consequences are and what to do when they have it happen to them or they see it happening to others. They also know what the consequences are if I discover that THEY are the bullies in question. That open and honest conversation is missing from many families, mostly because many parents think that bullying is a “school” problem.
Forget that bullying behavior is learned. Forget that no child is born with a “bullying” gene. Let’s just say that kids will be kids and leave it at that. Nonsense. This behavior is learned, at school AND at home. So why are we only addressing education in one space and not the other?
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